My column in the S.F. Examiner this week is about getting into a fight with an Uber driver in Union Square…

The longer I drive a cab, the more I realize I need to be more of an asshole.

Like the night I drove this guy from Eleventh Street to his apartment in Pac Heights. He was friendly and we had a good time. In front of his beaux arts building, he tells me his life story. I listen patiently, $15.05 on the meter, thinking he’s going to give me a decent tip for being an impromptu therapist. But after half an hour of jabbering on, he opens the door, says goodbye and walks away.

“Hey!” I yell after him. “Aren’t you going to pay me?”

“Nope. Sorry.”

What was I supposed to do? Run after him and tackle him to the ground? Call 9-1-1 and wait for the cops to show up and point to the door where he entered? Lotta good that would do me…

Or what about the bartender at Raven who flagged me down and deposited an intoxicated woman in the back of my cab, assured me she wouldn’t throw up and told me her address. Mindful of my last experience with a puker, I demanded payment up front. They gave me $20. But when I pulled up to her place in the Mission, she passed out cold. I couldn’t wake her up. When I threatened to take her to the police station around the corner, she came to long enough so I could get her on her feet, but then the problem got worse. I had to somehow get her up two flights of stairs as she leaned against the building and passed out again.

Fortunately, her neighbor, or someone who claimed to be her neighbor, showed up and rescued me, but I still wasted 45 minutes of prime time driving dealing with this drunk girl…

Or the guy who approached my cab with a bottle of beer and I told him not to throw it out because it’s legal to drink in the back of a cab, but not on the street. After his debit card was declined, he told me he was going to run up to his apartment to get cash and had me hold onto his bank card. Ten minutes later, I realized he wasn’t coming back and that the card probably didn’t even belong to him…

I could go on and on listing the indignities that I’ve suffered as a cab driver and why I might have a sour disposition about it all…

Anyway, read the column here.

Photo by Trevor Johnson.